Stubborn Determination

I've started jogging.

I've always thought about jogging and running and being able to go long distances without stopping, but it's never gotten past a thought. In my mind, there was no reason to run unless you were running AWAY from something - like... a bear, a crazy stalker, etc . Even though I've had numerous dreams in the past (and more numerous in the recent past) where I am running just to be running, I've never made myself get out there and "Just Do It." I think this is mostly because I "hate" running. But the more I started thinking about it, and the more I've been longing for some sort of challenge in my life, I've come to the realization that running might be the challenge I need. Since I "hate" it, and since I always stubbornly want to do what I am not naturally bent to, I think I'll be more likely to keep at this to prove a point to myself that I CAN do something and do it well, even if I dislike it.

My first week of running is now behind me. And I'll be honest, the first day... I believed I was going to pass out and die. Or at least throw up. Every muscle in my body hurt, and my insides felt like they were going to EXPLODE! I ended up having to sit down for a few minutes just to be able to make it back home. But, I did it! I ran/walked a mile in 16:56 minutes. You may look at that time and think it's an atrocious time, but I am ridiculously proud of it! That's almost 17 minutes being outside and being active and moving this body instead of sitting on the couch or at a desk or in my bed. It pushed me to keep going and push through the ache and pain. (Also, I'd like to point out that I  think my route is extra hard since it's basically a trail run on a dirt road with lots of hills, uneven ground, and gravel!) 

Since that first run, I've been running 4 more times, and my best time has been 14:30 for a mile. IMPROVEMENT! I ran/jogged/walked this morning, and I didn't make it as far as I wanted and had some tension in one of my ankles that made it difficult to keep going, but I still did it.

I'd like to think that I can already see some improvement in my muscle tone in my legs and hips, but that's probably just wishful thinking. And I've already learned what to eat and NOT to eat before I run. (I made the mistake of eating a bowl of cereal about 30 minutes before my very first run. BAD idea! I stick with some water and half a banana or half a granola bar now.) I know that as I keep this up, not only will I start to see changes in how my body looks, I'll also be healthier, stronger, and more determined!

A friend of mine is wanting to start walking/jogging, too, so we're going to start working together soon. And I'm setting goals for myself as well to help me stay focused. This fall, I want to be able to run a 5k, and by the end of 2013, I want to be able to seriously consider running a half marathon!

All it takes is a little motivation to get out of bed in the morning and not talk myself out of it before I even get started. ;)

5 Happy Things for Today

1. Long heart-to-heart talks with my Momma
2. Cheerwine at breakfast
3. Ordering a McDonald’s Happy Meal for myself at age 27 just to get the Strawberry Shortcake toy
4. Finding the perfect embroidered white shirt on sale
5. Laughing and singing in the car with my family

You know, I’m recognizing that I have a pretty great life. Nothing is ideal, and nothing is meeting my “expectations.” But you know what? Expectations are just that… expectations. You can’t live life based on expectations. You have to live life based upon the here and the now, muddling through all the messy, awful stuff to see the joy and beauty in the small things. Accepting whatever comes your way with grace and with peace. Learning to love others as Christ loves… not expecting anything in return and definitely not thinking about what “I” can get from it. 

Think about it. We cannot change our circumstances. We cannot change our past mistakes. We cannot change the fact that pain and heartache ARE going to come into our lives. What we CAN control is how we respond to all the bad things and how we respond to people when they hurt us.

I, for one, am going to choose to open myself up and take it ALL in - the good, the excellent, the bad, the terrible, all of it. I accept it as a gift. And it is. Because it is part of life.

And life is a gift. 

Making Me Feel

Recently I have been struggling with the type of person that I have become. I do not acknowledge my emotions, and I insist on being logical and reasonable over being the dirty "e" word - emotional.

And it is starting to cause problems in my relationships and in the way I treat myself and approach problems.

And it's time to stop.

I am naturally a very emotional person. I feel things very strongly, and I am naturally a very passionate person. But something has changed in the past few years, and I continuously shove down my emotions and try to push away people who get "too close" to me.

It's incredibly unhealthy, and it's crippling me.

So I'm changing. I've been talking to a friend of mine who is very intuitive and is able to help me see myself clearly. So step 1 is well on it's way. I've also started trying to find inspiration online to help myself look at things more emotionally and learn to process emotions in a healthy way.

Here's some of the awesome quotes I've seen around:

"The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." - Caroline Myss

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." - Socrates

"The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them." - Ernest Hemingway

"Fear does not stop death. It stops life." - Unknown

Planning for Summer!

This summer is (hopefully) going to bring a LOT of changes in my life:

• New job (still looking, but I know something will come open)
• Getting my own apartment again
• Decorating said apartment
• Traveling some

I've also been thinking about some new hobbies that I would like to start:

• Photography (need to get a camera other than a point and shoot)
• Dancing (I very much want to learn salsa!)
• Cooking more. (I know how to cook, but I rarely do it. And I have soooo many recipes pinned to my Food Obsession board on Pinterest!
• Running (I know. I know. I hate running. I really do. But I always dream that I am running, and I know I would get a rockin' and in-shape body if I would do it!)
• Writing (I need to get back into this. Either writing fiction, poetry, or research article. I don't care. I just need to write!)

And those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head.

What about you? What are you looking forward to this summer? And what new things would you like to learn?

Winter Blues

It's been a strange few weeks. Stressful in some ways, completely unremarkable in others. Had to go to the doctor last week for a hormone imbalance, and the prescription I'm on now is "working," but I'm in a pretty bad mood because of it. I'm tired of feeling tired, so hopefully I'll get all this crap worked out soon. I'm tired of trying to be positive about everything.I really dislike winter. And I dislike having so little privacy and space of my own right now.

Started my job search this past week as well. This current job ends probably in May, so I'm trying to get something lined up before then. It's a little discouraging to see how the job market looks. I think I'm going to have to just get face time with potential employers and convince them that they need me, even if they don't have a position open at the time. ;) I need to get more energy and positivity before I can put myself in that mindset though. Whew!

I've been making little crafty things every now and then. But crafting is an expensive hobby! haha! Especially when I'm having to rebuild my craft supply stash.

This past year was really hard in so many ways, and I'm ready for some happiness. I know that you make your own happiness in many ways, but I don't quite know the secret right now. If you have any tips, let me know.

I know this is a random post, but it is what it is.

Look! I have a doppleganger!

I’ve always tried to find someone that I look like and have never been able to find anyone that I thought was close enought to me. However, a friend of mine mentioned that I look like the British tv actress and singer, Martine McCutcheon.

Well, you be the judge.

This is me…

And this is Martine McCutcheon…

Close enough for me! I now have a doppleganger!

Happy New Year!

New year, fresh start.

2011 brought lots of changes to my life.

I ended a 3.5 year relationship. I started a new relationship. I graduated law school, studied for the GA bar exam, started my new job, passed the bar exam, was sworn in to the court system, ended a relationship (on good terms! no worries!), began re-energizing my relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ, and re-learned that I love crafting.

It's been a busy year to say the least.

But I feel like I am making some extremely positive changes, and I feel more excited about life than I have been for a while. The sky is my limit! haha!

I've been thinking about what my New Year's resolutions are. And I've also been thinking about the concept of resolutions in general. Most people say they don't make resolutions because they always break them. Well, making a resolution means that you are resolving to do something. We resolve to do things all the time. So why is it so hard to make New Year's resolutions and actually keep them? Maybe we shoot too high. Maybe we don't take it seriously. Maybe we expect that we are going to fail, so we don't give it as much effort from the beginning as we should.

Now, if any of you know me at all, you know that I am a very stubborn person. Once I make up my mind that I want something or I am going to do a certain thing, I usually follow through. So, this year, I have made resolutions. Not any of those weak "do better, try harder" types of resolutions. I have resolved my stubborn will to accomplish these three things. (Just three! Not too difficult!)

1. Lose 20 lbs by July. I've slowly inched up the scale for the past few years. It's time to make a lifestyle change. I resolve to be healthy.
2. Stop putting off learning new things. I've been saying for years that I want to learn to sing, I want to learn to fluently speak a foreign language, or I want to take up piano playing again. My resolution is to stop saying these in future tense. When I want to learn to do something, I don't put it off. I start learning it THEN.
3. Live every day as if the only thing that matters is to be closer to God. I let school and relationships get in the way of that so many times in the past. God deserves more than a couple minutes a day from me. He deserves my all. So, I resolve to take every step as a step towards intimacy with God. If something is leading me away from time with Him, then I stop that activity. I've already been on my way to getting back to where I need to be with Him, and I can't wait to see where this journey takes me in the future.

So. That's my plan for this year. I'm excited!

Did you make resolutions? What did you decide?

Poor Wayfaring Stranger

Poor Wayfaring Stranger - Peter Hollens - Feat. Swingle Singers - A cappella cover - Beatbox

This song is amazing. I'm always in awe of what the human voice can do and the sounds we can make. The harmonies in this song give me chills, and the range that the female singer has is so beautiful. I think one of her highest notes in actually mixed into the harmony towards the end.

My favorite lyrics of this song:

I want to wear a crown of Glory
When I get home to that good land.
I want to shout Salvation's story
In concert with the Blood-Washed Band.

I'm going there to meet my Saviour,
To sing his praise forever more.
I'm just a going over Jordan.
I'm just a going over home.

Enjoy! :)

Book Review: On Folly Beach by Karen White

"Folly Beach, South Carolina, has survived despite hurricanes and war. But it's the personal battles of Folly Beach's residents that have left the most scars, and why a young widow has been beckoned there to heal her own...." (via Barnes&Noble)

On Folly Beach by Karen White follows the story of two women: Emmy - a modern day woman who has just lost her husband in Iraq, and Maggie - a woman who survived WWII and the heartache that came with it. Their lives intersect when Emmy buys Maggie's bookstore, Folly's Finds at Folly Beach, SC, and moves from the midwest down to the Coastal South. She is haunted by her own memories and ghosts even as she discovers Maggie's ghosts as well. Emmy reveals Maggie's past through unsigned notes written in old books. Love, war, passion, heartbreak, betrayal, espionage, deception, and grief filter throughout the entire stories of both Maggie and Emmy.

History buffs will enjoy the story since it talks about German U-boat activity in the Atlantic during WWII and also about the Duquesne Spy Ring. The writer takes some liberty with history to make it more real for the story, but the basic facts stay the same.

This book touches on some of the hardest human emotions, and ultimately, it is about learning to let go, grieve, and then move on with your life. It is tragic at times and heartwarming at others. But overall, you leave the story feeling like you have glimpsed into the heart of human existence - love and loyalty between two human beings.

On Folly Beach is potentially the best novel I have read in a very long time. I would highly recommend it to any reader. It was incredibly well written and poignant.

I doubt that I will ever forget this story.

Things I Want to Do This Autumn

• have a bonfire
• go to a cornmaze
• hike to a waterfall
• visit the mountains
• watch Hocus Pocus, The Village, Sleepy Hollow, and other not-so-scary scary movies
• make pumpkin muffins
• press colorful leaves
• make a quilt
• buy a pair of heeled oxfords
• go to a fair
• and other seasonally appropriate things. <3