Friday, November 23, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yesterday was perfect. We had family lunch at my parents’ house and most of my mom’s extended family was able to come. Everyone was laughing and talking over each other and cracking jokes and my uncle kept singing show tunes at random times.
We read the “How to Cook a Turkey” articles in the local paper where elementary school children write down how to cook a turkey. My favorite was the one that said you put pineapple and blueberries on it, then you put pepperoni and cheese on it, and then you put ice cream and bologna on it. It sounds absolutely disgusting, but the creativity was hilarious!
Levi was able to come to the family dinner, too. This was his first Thanksgiving back in the States (he was in Lebanon for two years for missions), and I was very thankful that he chose to spend the day with us. After the extended family left, we curled up in the chair together and took naps and watched movies (Elf and The Goonies). 
I’m planning on going to his family Thanksgiving tomorrow. I’m very exciting about it since it will be the first time I’ve met most of his family. It’ll be a fun day, I’m sure. 
Today, I am doing some catch-up work, recovering from the overeating yesterday, and basically having a beautiful day. There is so much in my life to be thankful for right now, and I usually try to remember that. But it’s been difficult in the past couple weeks what with being so busy and stressed about my career and all the new work and uncertainty lately. But God is good.
My dad was talking yesterday about how blessed our family is. We’ve been through a lot this year. My uncle was diagnosed with cancer and almost died from complications with the chemo, but he is now in remission and is doing very well. My brother-in-law’s sister was killed a few weeks ago, and the family is still grieving over that. My dad lost his job a few months back and hasn’t been able to find any work. I am basically unemployed, and my mom is having to work significant overtime each week to make everything run smoothly around the house.
But we still have our family. And our house. And enough to eat. And we are constantly overwhelmed by the amount of grace and peace that God has been pouring out on us every day. And all the “Happy Things” lists in the world could never communicate how good my life is right now and how many blessings I experience every day. 
I hope each and every one of you have an absolutely wonderful holiday season, and I hope that you too can experience some peace and blessings in the next few months. 
Happy Thanksgiving.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Make Something Beautiful

       Lots of things have been happening recently. And lots of thoughts have been bopping around in my head. My brain has started to feel kinda cluttered up recently with everything that I'm trying to keep up there, and I haven't been taking time to keep all my thoughts organized. So this post is cathartic in a way so that I can clear my head a little and put things in their place.

1. I'm basically unemployed right now. I've applied for so many jobs, and I'm not even getting acknowledgments from most of the places I've sent resumes to. It's very discouraging, but I keep applying to whatever I can find that I qualify for and that I can even remotely see myself doing. I have been doing some contract work here and there, and I have a few projects lined up for the next couple months. But I miss a steady paycheck, and I miss stability.

2. I have a case of the travel bug really terribly right now. I went to California back in August (first time to the west coast), and I fell in love. And I want to go back so badly! I especially want to go back to San Francisco and be able to spend more than just a few hours there. The view from the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset simply took my breath away and left me speechless. I can't wait to stand there again. I also made a few new friends when I was in Cali, and I would love to be able to see them again and build a stronger, deeper friendship.

3. It's difficult being 27 and living back at home. It makes me feel like I've failed at life somewhere. It's very disconcerting and disappointing. Don't get me wrong; I dearly love my parents, and I love being able to spend so much time with them. But I'm also closing in on 30 and wanting to get my life and my career and hopefully a future family of my own happening soon. (And if my Pinterest boards are any indication, I'm also wanting my own place so I can decorate the crap out of it!!)

4. Because of being unemployed for almost 6 months now and because of those above-mentioned feelings of failure, I've been questioning a lot of my life choices recently. I wonder if I pursued the wrong degree, if I went to the wrong school, if I didn't push hard enough in school, etc. I regret some of the relationships in the past I've had with people and some of the friendships that I ruined because of my pride and my lack of empathy. I truly am sorry for that. A lot has happened in the last 10 months or so to make me take a very harsh look at myself, weigh my own character, and come up lacking. It's discouraging to see me making the same bad decisions that I made years ago and not breaking so easily from destructive cycles.

5. But, the good news is that I am seeing some small changes happening in my self in the past few months. It's too early for me to declare that I have learned my lessons and that I have changed, but there are some positive things happening. And I can only thank God for those. Because I'm a pretty nasty human being when we get down to it. My thoughts and my heart can be so hard and cold sometimes. But thank God for His grace and His mercy when I don't deserve it, and thank God for every good and perfect gift that He gives me despite my own filthiness.

6. Overall, despite the current disappointments, my life is good. Very good. And I have been doing lots of fun things and hanging out with some AMAZING people. Hopefully I will get some life motivation and direction soon. I'm ready to be passionate about life again and be excited to make things happen. And to make something beautiful. :)