New Year

Well, it's officially 2011, and I guess I need to do an obligatory New Year's post.

I'm not making resolutions this year. I'm sure I'll make plenty of changes, though, as the year goes on, but I never keep any resolutions that I make. So to keep myself from failing, I'm not even going to set myself up. Ha!

So instead of resolutions, I'm going to list things I'm excited about that are happening or will be happening soon.
1. I will take (hopefully) amazing classes this semester. I've signed up for "International Human Rights" and "Child Abuse and the Law." I'm pretty excited about both of them and especially for the International Human Rights course, because the professor is a lovely lady who grew up in an African village, traveled to the US to graduate from Harvard, work for the United Nations, and then become a Fulbright Scholar. She has a beautiful soul, and I can't wait to get to know her better through her class.

2. Spring is only a few months away. That's something to be ridiculously happy about. I've realized, however, that it's not so much winter that I hate - it's COLD winter. I've been home for Christmas, and it's been pretty mild this week. We did have record snow last week, but this week has been in the upper 40s, and I'm ok with that. I just don't like frozen tundra temperatures like Virginia has, so hopefully I won't hate winter so much once I graduate and move back to Georgia.

3. I don't have the death flu anymore. I'm very, very happy about that.

4. I GRADUATE in May! May 14th. I started the countdown today.

5. I'm excited about starting work for the Judge after graduation. He wants me to work a couple hours a day while I'm studying for the bar (May through July), and I'm ok with that. I'll be getting a bit of a paycheck while I'm killing myself cramming in three years of learning into 6 weeks and then regurgitating it all back in a two day exam. Whew! (I'm NOT excited about the exam, but I have to push through it.)

6. I'm excited about moving back to Georgia after graduation. I've missed it so.

7. I'm excited to make a paycheck again.

8. I'm excited to make my first student loan payment. No, I'm not crazy. I really am excited. The sooner I start paying on it, the sooner it goes away, and the sooner I'll be DEBT FREE!! I can't wait to see that day!

9. I'm excited to have a normal, non-law-student schedule. I will never do a degree-program like law school EVER again. The worst three years of my life. Anyone that says they "enjoyed" their work-load and schedule during law school is a crazy person.

10. Since 10 is a nice number to end on, I'm excited about being near my family again after graduation. I feel like I miss SO much when I am away. I can't wait to be able to see them and do things with them and not have to work around my break schedule.

11. Ok. 11 for good measure. I'm excited for summer and sunshine and heat and tans. :)

Finals

My first final is tomorrow, and surprisingly I'm not nervous or stressed out. Maybe it's just old hat to me now, I don't know. Or maybe I have accepted that I will not make high grades in law school. However, I feel like I will be doing my best when I take these exams.

Sure, I could have studied more, read more, slept less, stressed more, outlined more, memorized more, etc. But I am happy with myself, and I refuse to put myself on a guilt trip and get upset.

I realized the other day how different law school graduation in May will be from undergrad graduation. When I graduated undergrad (Summa Cum Laude, 7th in the class), I was berating myself for not getting all A's - for not working harder in the 3 classes that I made B's. For not being 6th, or 5th, or 4th, or 3rd.

Yet this graduation, I will be pleased as punch to be graduating at all. I'm pretty sure that I am somewhere in the middle of the class, and I'm ok with that. I won't be counting how many people are in front of me, I won't be wishing I had more extracurriculars on my resume, and I won't be upset with myself for not having special honors or achievements. I'll be smiling just as much as #1 when I walk across and take my diploma.

Law school has been the hardest thing I have ever, ever done. I have stretched myself FAR beyond the point that I thought I could stretch. I have pushed myself, abused myself, gone from emotional highs to very dark lows. But I've made it through.

And looking back, I'm proud at the strength that I've shown. Would I ever pick this road again if I could do it over? Absolutely not. But I am surprised at the tenacity and the inner fortitude that law students are forced to develop.

I have changed in ways that I don't like. I've become less emotional (almost cold sometimes), and I've become even LESS sociable that I was before. I don't trust people, and I have very little hope for this world.

But I feel like, once I graduate, I will be able to find the fun side of me again. I'll be able to be almost anything that I want to be and do anything I want to do. I'll have free time again. I'll be able to read novels again. I'll be able to have a few hobbies again. I'll make money again!

And I'll be back home.

All that's standing between me and home is two more rounds of finals. :)