What I Wish I Could Be Doing Right Now

* Sitting on a misty cliff overlooking the sea, or sitting in a bedroom in a cabin in the mountains listening to rain falling outside
* Drinking Pike's Place coffee from Starbucks
* Eating a blueberry scone
* Reading Emma, by Jane Austen
* Listening to ambient music like this
* Writing my random thoughts in a pretty journal

Instead I am in class all day while a gloriously beautiful, heavy, grey, autumn day passes by.


Source

I've come to the conclusion that I am absolutely horrible at staying in touch with people and connecting with people on an emotional level. Sometimes I feel like I just don't care even though I know that I do care about people very, very much. But most of the time, I'm just content that my family and Chris understands me. It shouldn't be that way, though.

I don't rely on people. I'm very independent. I'm also very judgmental. The person may never know that I am being judgmental, but I am judging them nonetheless. I say that I am just trying to figure them out, but I'm making conclusions about people before I've seen enough facts to help me truly decide what type of person they really are. That's judging.

And what's even worse is that I really don't know how to change it. I am super picky about who I become good friends with, and I really don't know that many people that I would want to be good friends with let alone trust them with my secret emotions or thoughts. I think I am afraid of being judged myself, so I put up this inner barrier.

Many people don't even realize that I have this barrier in place, and I haven't always. It's just been in the past couple years, after living on my own and taking care of myself, that I have really started to shut people out. Especially after being treated badly by people that I have been very, very close to in the past. I feel like I am protecting myself from being vulnerable, because what could possibly be worse than being vulnerable?? (*sarcasm*)

I've been spending a lot of time online lately... not even interacting with people, just staying within my own thoughts mostly. And that DEFINITELY isn't helping me connect with real people face to face. If anything, I'm seeing people online (through blogs, tumblrs, etc.) that I WANT to be friends with, but it's kinda hard to be close friends with someone who you never actually see in person.

I just feel uninteresting. I feel like I put up a facade of interestingness to make people think that I actually AM interesting, but I also have a wall built up so that it's very difficult for someone to ever see the real me. Because if they see the real me, they may not think I'm interesting anymore. And then no one will want to be my friend.

It's all a big sad circle actually. I want to be closer to people, but I'm afraid of letting my guard down and possibly be considered uninteresting.

What a conundrum.

This has been a pointless post.


Source

My Tumblr

Batik

I just came across a post on the blog Thursdays about how to make your own Batik Print Scarves. The blogger breaks the steps down to where it makes sense.

I think I'm definitely going to have to try it soon!

A case of wanderlust

Today has been one of the most frustrating days ever. Fall break (and no classes for 3 class days) starts Wednesday. However, my mind and my motivation is unfortunately already on break. Even more, knowing that I get to go home to Georgia in just a few short days has me dreadfully homesick.

To top it off, I also have a horrible case of Wanderlust. I want to go new places, see new things, eat new food, take new pictures, and just experience something NEW. I'm tired of the same routine every single day.

All together, it makes me ridiculously restless and discontent which means that I have to make sure I don't get depressed because of it. Not good.

I'm just so ready to be finished with law school, back home, and working to pay off my student loans.

The next 5 years are going to be hectic and busy, but hopefully I will be debt free and able to do what I want to do with my life. 5 years is so long and so short at the same time.

The Orange Beetle

My little bug friend that I took a photo of a couple weeks ago.
Copyright, AGP, 2010

My photostream:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/charislogia/

And We Go

I made a playlist of some of my favorite songs right now. Enjoy.

And We Go

Pics from the Farmers' Market

Some views from the Farmers' Market. All of these photos were taken in the booth of James, the Jack of All Trades. :) His farm has been in his family for 180 years, and he farms it, hosts events, is a photographer, a massage therapist, and has educational tours. We talked about manure. haha!

Concerts, Apple Orchards, and Dinner Parties

This weekend has been busy busy with lots of fun activities. I don't have any plans for today (Sunday), and I'm perfectly ok with that.

Friday, I had class in the morning, and then I went to Cracker Barrel with some of my classmates/friends. Last school year, we went to Cracker Barrel every Tuesday for breakfast, but our schedules are too different this year to be able to that regularly like before. However, we did get to go on Friday. It was lovely. I always love the conversations that this group of friends has. Never a dull moment.

Friday evening, me, my roommates, and two of our guy friends went to Outback Steakhouse for a pre-concert supper. Again, conversation was wonderful, and we barely talked any about law school (even though all of us are in law school right now). I was happy for that since it seems like my entire life is lawschool right now. [Only 7 more months]. After we ate, we went to the Switchfoot Concert! I was a little irritated when we first got there to stand in line. The doors opened at 7:30. I wanted to be there at 6, but we didn't get there til almost 6:30. Hundreds and hundreds of people were already lined up. I made a decision, though, to not be angry about getting bad seats (since it was first-come-first-serve to seating) and just to be happy and enjoy myself. So I did. :)

We did finally get inside and didn't have terrible seats, so it worked out nicely. The band that opened for Switchfoot was called The Almost. I've heard a couple of their songs before, and they aren't bad on recording, but they are pretty awful in live concert. Or maybe they can just blame their sound mixer. Either way, it was so awful that many people in the crowd actually sat down with their arms crossed or took out their cell phones while this band was performing. My friends and I made a joke that "The Almost" should actually be called "The Not-Quite..." Mean. I know.

Anyway, after The Almost, Switchfoot performed. I was really, really impressed with their show. The lead singer, Jon Foreman, actually opened the show by sneaking into the crowd when the lights were off and started singing while standing up on some of the chairs (only 6 rows from us, I might add). :) He is a very talented musician and performer. They sang many of my favorite songs, my roommate Amy and I pretended to have a fan-girl meltdown, and I sang and screamed my voice hoarse.

After the concert, we all went back to our house and played Cranium Turbo. Girls beat the guys. :) All in all, it was a lovely, lovely evening.

Saturday, I went to the Farmers' Market with my roommate Meredith and my friends Kasia and Kerri. One coffee, a loaf of Amish Sourdough bread, a deep purple eggplant, a free English cucumber, and many wonderful conversations later, we decided to go to an apple orchard festival at Carter Mountain Orchard near Charlottesville, VA. I'd never been to an apple orchard before, and I am in love with them. This one is huge and covers hundreds of acres with its many varieties of apple tree. I bought a glass of cold cider while I was there that was fantastic, and I walked away with a bag full of Jonagold, Winesap, and Golden Delicious apples. (Winesap is my favorite).

After that, we went to Blenheim Vineyards which is owned by Dave Matthews of the Dave Matthews Band. Didn't see Davey-boy, but Meredith and Kasia did enjoy a wine-tasting. I tasted a couple of the varieties. I'm not much of an alcoholic beverage person, but I did like tasting the different flavors of each one. I bought a very pretty wineglass with the name of the Winery etched on the base of it.

Finished off the day at a small dinner party at the apartment of my friends, Roman and Heather. Roman and Heather are newly weds and are absolutely adorable. Heather is also a great cook. Italian-seasoned chicken drumsticks, angel hair pasta with cherry tomatoes and basil, sauteed vegetables, and chocolate frosted cake and vanilla ice cream for dessert. Perfect meal. :) After dinner, we drank rooibus tea and watch "The Count of Monte Cristo." The evening was full of absolutely wonderful conversation and lots of good times. :) Heather and I have a lot in common, and I like her very much. :) [Here's Heather's blog, if you are interested... http://auntielele.blogspot.com/ ]

Anyway, that was my weekend. Even though I haven't gotten much school work accomplished because of everything else that has been going on, I still consider it to be one of the best weekends of year so far. :)